No one gets through life without making mistakes – it is an inevitable part of being human. Whether intentional or accidental, mistakes are bound to happen in every relationship. However, when mistakes arise, the opportunity to forgive does as well — a choice that often feels challenging and even impossible, but can be a catalyst in mending relationships.
However, choosing to forgive is not only about easing our conscience; releasing a grudge can alleviate internal stress and tension, which can contribute to lower rates of depression. Studies have found that participants who allowed themselves to forgive an offender displayed emotional levels linked with lower rates of depression, anxiety, and stress, with correlation coefficients as high as 0.30 (Griffin et al., 1970). By allowing ourselves to release pent-up emotions through forgiving, we can work towards greater emotional well-being.
To begin the process of forgiveness, we can turn to Professor Everett Worthington of Virginia Commonwealth University, who created the R.E.A.C.H model. The model is as follows:
R = Recall the hurt
Acknowledge that you have been hurt and view it through an unbiased and objective lens. Decide to forgive without any further reservations.
E = Empathize with the offender
Understand and accept the other person’s perspective without ignoring your feelings. Worthington describes this as “putting yourself in the other person’s chair” and talking from the opposite perspective.
A = Altruistic gift
An altruistic gift is defined as a gift given to please the recipient with no expectation to receive anything in return. Worthington describes treating forgiveness as an altruistic gift we can give to the person who hurt us to feel lighter.
C = Commit
Once we’ve forgiven, we need to fully commit and set it in stone. For example, this could be telling a close friend how someone has hurt you and how you’ve chosen to forgive them.
H = Hold onto forgiveness
Even after forgiving, we need to avoid doubting ourselves through reminders. These reminders can be in the form of rereading notes or positive affirmations.
By choosing to forgive, we can gift ourselves emotional freedom and cultivate a stronger sense of self-compassion. We can gain a new perspective and let go of past burdens, opening the door to healthier future relationships.
References:
“Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It.” Johns Hopkins Medicine, 20 June 2024, www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it.
Griffin, Brandon J., et al. “Forgiveness and Mental Health.” SpringerLink, Springer Netherlands, 1 Jan. 1970, link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-94-017-9993-5_6.
Peterson, Sarah J., et al. ‘The Benefits of Self-Forgiveness on Mental Health: Evidence from Correlational and Experimental Research’. The Journal of Positive Psychology, vol. 12, no. 2, Informa UK Limited, Mar. 2017, pp. 159–168, https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2016.1163407.
“Reach Forgiveness of Others.” Everett Worthington, www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/reach-forgiveness-of-others. Accessed 12 Nov. 2024.
Ricciardi, Emiliano, et al. “How the Brain Heals Emotional Wounds: The Functional Neuroanatomy of Forgiveness.” Frontiers, Frontiers, 19 Nov. 2013, www.frontiersin.org/journals/human-neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00839/full?source=post_page---------------------------.
Andre Tam is a sophomore studying Business Analytics and Information Management with a minor in psychology. He is passionate about utilizing data and insights into human behavior to promote well-being and strengthen interpersonal relationships. He hopes to create meaningful impacts in both business and personal spheres. In his free time, he enjoys rock climbing and spending time with friends.
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